Thursday, October 11, 2007

What Sucks…HBO's Tell Me You Love Me

Okay, I was doing a little cleaning out of the DVR when I came across the first couple of episodes of this hour-long commercial for single life. This has to be the worst show no one is watching.

For those not familiar, which is probably all of you as I must be the only blogging about this (Oh The Places You’ll Go, When Things Suck) “Tell Me You Love Me” is a new show on HBO- under what I can only assume is their new motto- “It’s not TV, it’s…(get ready for something clever)…depressing as hell!” Feel free to use that gem at your office water cooler!

Anyway, it’s taken up the time slot on Sunday night- former home of The Sopranos, Entourage and until recently John From Cincinnati. Simply put- this show is just what the doctor ordered. If you have the type of doctor who wants you to watch a depressing show that graphically features old people having sex and guys getting hand jobs- from their wives, no less.

Couple #1, married with kids, haven’t had sex in a year.

The guy masturbates every morning when his wife gets up to take a shower. How do we know this? Cause it’s featured every week on the show starting with the 1st episode! Hey HBO- when people want sex on TV, they don’t mean 40-year-old guys beating it under their sheets! At least Oz waited till episode 2 to show a guy spanking his monkey. By the way, (SPOILER ALERT) if this guy fucks his wife, this hour long show gets cut in half. Just saying. By the way, this couple pays a lot of money to go to a couple’s therapist, who is depicted as being very well trained although she for some reason refuses to say “Hey Dave, fuck your wife.”

Couple #2, married, trying to have kids.

The wife, played by the hot chick who plays Penny in Lost, is freaking out because she can’t conceive so she and her husband, start having that “functional/ get me pregnant” sex in such a revolting, operational way, as a viewer, you no longer want to see Penny from Lost naked or want to have sex with her. Maybe Desmond from Lost saw an advanced screening of this and that’s why he walked out on her. Also, the show must be sponsored by EPT because Penny takes more pregnancy tests than women who sleep with former NBA star Shawn Kemp.

NOTE: On a positive note, I do have to say kudos to the producers who, after all, were able to actually capture that special quality of marriage that makes what would seem a hot, sexy chick undesirable.

Couple #3, are engaged, now broken up (didn’t make it past episode 3)

She is a hot, sex-loving chef. He is a poor man’s Mark Ruffalo who never seems to shave. By episode 3 they are broken up. The reason for the breakup? Him floating the idea that even after marriage, he won’t stop sleeping around. This was overheard by his finance, so, instead of doing some serious denying, and rephrasing and apologizing to her, he sticks to his guns, which I could actually respect- until he then begins to act indignant about it. Dude, you drop a bomb like that and then expect your finance’ to be cool with it ? You have a point of view that Johnny Cochrane couldn’t sell to an all-black jury, don’t be indignant about it!

All in all “Tell Me You Love Me” is like hanging out with your best married friends, after they just had a big fight or after the guy got drunk and blurted out that he wanted to fuck his wife’s sister.

And finally, who the fuck would wear a t-shirt from this show?

Tell Me You Love Me is on Sunday nights at 9!


Anonymous said...

great post- awesome rx

Anonymous said...

relief --relief -- relief

and you need some

pale male said...

i should begin this by saying that my wife is an amazing and intelligent woman....she also is the reason i am watching Tell Me You Love Me (hereafter known as TMYLM)

i'll admit i was skeptical at's hard to find time for the quiet desperation of loveless marriages when there are semi-professional football teams like the Seahawks
"playing" the Saints

but i thought she had an interesting, and potent arguement about TMYLM, which was the show is itself a form of couples therapy, by which the couples watching are both forced to endure what the other finds interesting, creating the very mutual empathy between viewers that is lacking between the couples on the show

hence, a male viewer must tolerate endless blather and looks laden with meaning to get to the sex scene(s) of the slut chef chick...while the female viewer must endure what might otherwise be called porn to get to the beautifully self-righteous huff that can only properly delivered by a wife

watching tonight's episode, i started to see how my wife was each scene was an offering to either the male or female viewer

and then came the old people fucking

good god, has it come to this?

has HBO sunk so low, have they at long last lost any standard of (in)decency so I, the (male) viewer must witness two senior citizens fucking in front of a roaring gas log?

for those of you who missed it, let me summarize the old people fucking scene as follows:

remember 9-11? it was just like that, except noisier and less fun to watch

i asked my wife which side "benefitted" from that gem of a bone-session...and that, she didn't have an answer for

Invisible Woman said...

love your tv reviews...