Friday, September 28, 2007

What Sucks…The Chicken Dance

In the annals of horrible, Caucasian, group dancing you have the Hokey Pokey, the Electric Slide and…

…I Don’t Want To Be A Chicken
…I Don’t Want To Be A Chicken
…I Don’t Want To Be A Duck (Quack, Quack, Quack, Quack)

The Chicken Dance.

Now obviously, no human who wasn’t at gunpoint would ever do the following series of movements while an accordion played…

- open and close your hands a few times
- flap your elbows at your side to simulate chicken wings
- scrunch your down to the floor for 4 beats
- twirling the person standing next to you around in a circle.

Yet the Chicken Dance exists. The question is why?

The answer is, as a race, sadly, we don’t at this time deserve to live in a world where the Chicken Dance doesn’t exist. You have to earn that. We’re lazy and apathetic. We allow the chicken dance just like we allow all the other mediocre and second-rate traits of our society. Racism. Hunger. War.

Where is the outrage? Tigers don’t do the chicken dance- they are perfect, there is no need. They ferociously stalk their lands, ruling over everything they see- and when they can no longer rule, they are pushed off to the side and go and die a death worthy of their life.

Us? We go to weddings and do the chicken dance.

Here’s a child struggling to do the Chicken Dance. Let us stop this now. There is no need for this- we are a country that saved the world in 1945- if we all refused to do the chicken dance the next time it was played we could wipe it out by the end of the decade. Or will this child continue to struggle to learn something that sucks?

Good luck sleeping this weekend.


Anonymous said...

Where did you get that rare picture of John Lennon doing the chicken dance?

Anonymous said...

This is cruel and unusual punishment! The little girl in the video is being made to believe that she is gaining the favorable attention of the people who are standing around while she dances a half-hearted'at-best version of the dance that accompanies this insipid song. Her lackluster performance tells me that she knows in her heart of hearts that Colonel Sanders wouldn't even be caught dead doing this to promote his latest recipe. But being a bright little girl who is in the process of being jaded by the obligatory 'pleasing the grownups,' she is relegated to dancing like a monkey on a stick, knowing all that while that she would tell them to 'kiss off' were it not for her profound desire to please them -- even her beloved family -- who would turn this beautiful little girl into a dancing circus clown without giving it a second thought.