Tuesday, September 11, 2007

What Sucks…That Bin Laden Is Still Out There

I’ve written about this before but it has now been about 2,190 days since the World Trade Center attacks and Osama is still out there, his only challenge- how to get the grey out of his beard so he can look years younger.

That sucks.

So, is this what it’s boiled down to? Him being out there and all of us just collectively sitting around, waiting for a new tape where he breaks out his latest look? What a disgrace. What’s next year’s big revelation- a nose ring? Are we that laissez faire about the person responsible for the worst attack in the history of our country that he can start shopping at Hot Topic and we’re like “whatever”?

I can’t believe no one gives a shit about this. When I saw that he came out with another tape- just the mere reminder that he was alive- I felt embarrassed. I felt embarrassed that I lived in a place where the elected officials could be okay with the idea he’s out there. Not just the President, who I am on record as thinking of as a world champion douchebag, but everyone. It doesn’t bother you that some dude you voted for is not like, everyday reminding someone that Bin Laden is still out there?

And the media. They don’t think it’s worth a question every now and then? When Tony Snow is shoveling out the daily bullshit he feeds them, to say, hey- oh yeah, just checking back in- you guys still for capturing Osama Bin Laden, cause you know, he’s lived to see the iPhone. Just Saying.

The easy, hacky joke here is to say that the media reports more on Paris Hilton or Britney Spears than it does on Osama Bin Laden- but holy shit, they actually report more on Corey Haim and Scott Baio. Britney and Paris are way ahead, forget about it, he’ll have to pull another 9-11 to catch up- but do we really want to live in a society where New York from Flava of Love gets more TV time? Osama probably just colored his beard so he could grab some headlines away from the kid from High School Musical.

Now, everyone I know- my friends, family, acquaintances, etc. give a shit that he’s out there- why isn’t it translating to the government- or the media?

Why is it not asked in all of these millions of Presidential debates that we have 2 YEARS before the election? Why do, and this happens, people in the media when Bin Laden makes a noise consider it something that would play to the Republican’s hands? I’m not crazy, I hear that all the time. How is the fact that he’s putting out tapes and calling for martyrs not embarrass and shame any republican- and how does that not get brought up when some asshat says, "well this plays to the republican's strength"?

The answer is, people we all know do give a shit that he’s out there- but because it’s easy for politicians and the media to dance around the question, or throw blame on someone else- the people who make the decisions, who we pay, can ignore the fact he’s still alive. And I’ll write about this next year.

They suck too- but we're not off the hook either. Shoot an email at someone tomorrow- or tonight- make it a Representative or a Senator- cut and paste this if you want...

Hey Senator/ Representative ________________.

Are you ass-gnomes gonna try and find Bin Laden this year? Cause it’s been 6 years now. Just so you know, he’s lived through all 3 Shreks. Who would have thought. The guy should be dead by now, but thanks to you douchenuts he’s now a fan of Seth Rogan.

Go fuck yourselves.

Yours in Christ,

________ (Your name.)

Sorry for the seriousness- tomorrow: What Sucks…Accidentally Shitting On Your Leg

One more note- today is the blog’s birthday- we’re 1. Thanks to everyone who stops by and reads, and everyone’s who’s linked What-Sucks up on their blog- I appreciate it. It’s a nice little community of readers I hope to build on. If I knew anything about computers, I’d make it nicer to look it- maybe before too long.


Anonymous said...

Anaerobic respiration is just respiration in the absence of oxygen.

Ben said...

You know how long it took them to get John Wilkes Booth? 12 days.

12 days!

Admittedly, that was without Paris and Britney around, but it was also without a few other things like satellite imagery, 24-hour cable news, and our many modern superdetectives such as Columbo, Monk, and Richard Belzer.

Happy Birthday, What Sucks!

Anonymous said...

Some might say Booth was at a disadvantage because he broke his leg during his escape, but I'd point out that Osama is attached to a dialysis machine.

Maybe if he was hanging out in airport men's bathroom or truck stops we would have better luck.

Catch that Fucker!!!