Friday, September 07, 2007

What Sucks...Taking The Bus


Ah, the bus. A definite 1st ballot candidate for the Suck Hall of Fame (to be located in Detroit). Everything involved with taking the bus, blows.

PART 1: THE LOCAL

This Suck Story™ starts at the bus stop. A few Suck Statistics™ regarding the bus stop…

It’s outside.
You’re waiting.
You’re surrounded by other people who have to take the bus.
It’s cold, it’s hot, it’s raining- there’s weather going on. Worst yet, when your wait is over, you’re on a bus- your Suck Journey™ is only starting.

Looking for a seat on the bus is a study in eye contact avoidance. Each passenger does everything they can to give you every indication you don’t exist. Each open seat is taken by their utter contempt for sitting next to someone. This of course can get under your skin until you actually make eye contact with the one freak who wouldn’t mind you sitting next to them- avoid that psycho.

Who loses? The prettiest person on the bus. That’s who you end up next to, and if you’re on the Hoboken 126 and lucky, sometimes it's even a girl.

Wedging yourself into a seat with the person you sense smells nicest of all the people who have done things in their life that have lead to them taking the bus, you can finally exhale. And you do. And yes, it's a bus so it smells like pee.

Who’s peeing on the bus? And why in this day and age are people getting away with it? How does this even go down?

Are people waiting till the bus empties out at the second to last stop or something, and then peeing? Because in that case, why not just get off the bus and go pee? You’re basically at the last stop. Or use the bathroom at the bus station you just pulled into- can it be that much worse than peeing on some dirty bus?

Or are people peeing mid-ride, in front of other people? And if so, why aren’t other people rising up against that? They have cell phones, they can call the cops- the bus driver can pull over, call a cop and keep the bus door locked until a cop gets there.

There’s no reason why we should still be smelling pee on our buses.

COMING NEXT...The Greyhound!

6 comments:

dehumidifier said...

the only place that i've found a non-sucking bus is san francisco. and it's still damn close.

DELUCA'S NEIGHBOR said...

and those are cushy seats on those buses, so you can never tell if your seat was once used for a toilet long ago.

Anonymousfornow said...

You never see anyone smiling on the bus as it passes you--the people riding it always look dejected.

MsPuddin said...

Ha Ha public transportation, great topic. I remember my first trip back home from college was on the grey hound. I sat next to some guy with one tooth, a one pack and quite possibly one shoe…yummie

MsP

Diarrhea of the Mouth said...

i had to take the bus for two weeks because i was looking for a new car.

my first day waiting at the bus stop and some guy pulled up in a truck and asked if i was looking for a good time.

yeah he thought i was a hooker. what kind of hooker works at 8am in the morning?

of course the whole time my roommate was staying in the house watching and laughing at me when i called him and told him what just happened.

SiameseLING said...

Right now, I'm sitting inside the bus stop shelter that doesn't repel wetness at all because the whole floor are covered in water and just now a damn couple just came in talking like they're alone... you see what I mean.
But I shouldn't be sitting here normally since in fact the bus I'm waiting for had arrived over 5 minutes early at the stop. It means being there 5 minutes in advance aint enough for you. I was and I missed it, fuck. Therefore, you have to waste 10 more minutes of your day waiting to take the bus. It's unacceptable that the bus drives give themselves the right to be early just to have coffee break time. It screws the people over. Let alone when they're god damned late.