What Sucks...Sting

F Sting.

Okay so, I read another old Rolling Stone article- this one from the summer- the issue with the (reunited) Police on the cover. What can I say, I don’t read Rolling Stone when it first comes out. Like a fine wine, I usually wait till it ages a little, then drag it into the bathroom with me. I know what you’re thinking…

…too much information ABOUT SHITTING!

NOTE: I’m starting a movement to make it once again okay to use the phrase “too much information!” as long as you reference exactly what you’re giving too much information for after saying it, preferably by yelling. It makes the “too much information” thing much more interesting. For example…

PERSON SPEAKING LOUDLY ON THE PHONE AT YOUR JOB: So the doctor said ‘I’m concerned with the rash you have on your genitals.’ I know, too much information- ABOUT ME FUCKING HAITIAN PROSTITUTES!

or

WOMAN WHISPERING TO COWORKER AT YOUR OFFICE’S WATER-COOLER: It was huge, I could barely fit it in my mouth. I know, too much information- ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES WITH BLOW JOBS…AND HORSES!

Now instead of cringing and staring a hole into your cubicle, you’re looking up from your desk with peaked interest. Especially after the 2nd one, which was kind of a double whammy. (Not only does she openly talk about her oral sex habits, some of them involve horses?!) I really think this whole thing could resurrect the “too much information” movement but back to Sting sucking…

So anyway, pretend for a second you didn’t have to get your parents to refinance their house so you could afford to buy tickets for the Police reunion tour this summer. Also pretend you didn’t have to drop 100 bucks to join a fan club in order to get on a list to buy Police tickets, and pretend the shows weren’t generally greeted with a universal “eh”. Forget all about that for now.

The article says Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland, the other members of the Police, have been ready to reunite and go on tour for decades now and that Sting has been putting it off. Of course, that makes sense, they’re Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland, I’m sure they were willing to reunite the Monday after they decided to break up, but what pisses me off is the implied notion that Sting finally came around to the idea.

I’m a Police fan and that band was great. They broke up at their height but if that one-named jack-ass is under the impression he’s a multi-millionaire because people want to hear him play the lute- he’s insane. Does he think his concerts at anytime during his solo career, early and otherwise, were not populated by frustrated Police fans longing for him to put down his autoharp, pick up his bass and play “Driven To Tears”?

Basically, we could have had a Police reunion years ago. Andy and Stewart were calling about it, the only person who didn’t want it was Sting. I guess he had better things to do...





I suppose we’re lucky Sting pushed back plans to launch his Barbecue sauce so that they can kick the tour off.

What the hell happened to this guy?

You want to feel irrelevant and old? Go tell a college aged kid that when you were younger you went to see Sting live. And then sit back and realize you just became your father. Sting was recently on the Charles Osgood's Sunday Morning for Christsakes! He had a song on the Kate and Leopold soundtrack!

Adult contemporary already has a guy with one name in it- Yanni. I hope he kicks Sting's ass.