Thursday, September 13, 2007

What Sucks...Sting

F Sting.

Okay so, I read another old Rolling Stone article- this one from the summer- the issue with the (reunited) Police on the cover. What can I say, I don’t read Rolling Stone when it first comes out. Like a fine wine, I usually wait till it ages a little, then drag it into the bathroom with me. I know what you’re thinking…

…too much information ABOUT SHITTING!

NOTE: I’m starting a movement to make it once again okay to use the phrase “too much information!” as long as you reference exactly what you’re giving too much information for after saying it, preferably by yelling. It makes the “too much information” thing much more interesting. For example…

PERSON SPEAKING LOUDLY ON THE PHONE AT YOUR JOB: So the doctor said ‘I’m concerned with the rash you have on your genitals.’ I know, too much information- ABOUT ME FUCKING HAITIAN PROSTITUTES!


WOMAN WHISPERING TO COWORKER AT YOUR OFFICE’S WATER-COOLER: It was huge, I could barely fit it in my mouth. I know, too much information- ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES WITH BLOW JOBS…AND HORSES!

Now instead of cringing and staring a hole into your cubicle, you’re looking up from your desk with peaked interest. Especially after the 2nd one, which was kind of a double whammy. (Not only does she openly talk about her oral sex habits, some of them involve horses?!) I really think this whole thing could resurrect the “too much information” movement but back to Sting sucking…

So anyway, pretend for a second you didn’t have to get your parents to refinance their house so you could afford to buy tickets for the Police reunion tour this summer. Also pretend you didn’t have to drop 100 bucks to join a fan club in order to get on a list to buy Police tickets, and pretend the shows weren’t generally greeted with a universal “eh”. Forget all about that for now.

The article says Andy Summers, and Stewart Copeland, the other members of the Police, have been ready to reunite and go on tour for decades now and that Sting has been putting it off. Of course, that makes sense, they’re Andy Summers and Stewart Copeland, I’m sure they were willing to reunite the Monday after they decided to break up, but what pisses me off is the implied notion that Sting finally came around to the idea.

I’m a Police fan and that band was great. They broke up at their height but if that one-named jack-ass is under the impression he’s a multi-millionaire because people want to hear him play the lute- he’s insane. Does he think his concerts at anytime during his solo career, early and otherwise, were not populated by frustrated Police fans longing for him to put down his autoharp, pick up his bass and play “Driven To Tears”?

Basically, we could have had a Police reunion years ago. Andy and Stewart were calling about it, the only person who didn’t want it was Sting. I guess he had better things to do...

I suppose we’re lucky Sting pushed back plans to launch his Barbecue sauce so that they can kick the tour off.

What the hell happened to this guy?

You want to feel irrelevant and old? Go tell a college aged kid that when you were younger you went to see Sting live. And then sit back and realize you just became your father. Sting was recently on the Charles Osgood's Sunday Morning for Christsakes! He had a song on the Kate and Leopold soundtrack!

Adult contemporary already has a guy with one name in it- Yanni. I hope he kicks Sting's ass.


Susie said...

Love. it.

Chris said...

His stupid lute sucks!!!

Anonymous said...

I liked Sting in the 80s and some of his 90s stuff. But over the decades he's turned into a pretentious, obnoxious, self absorbed character just like Bono. Both of them are very pretentious and frankly their music has not sounded good in well over a decade or so. After hearing Stings remake of the classic "Windmills of your mind" I lost any respect for him. He sucked the life force out of what is supposed to be one of music histories most touching songs and turned it into a cold heartless Vagas lounge lizard sounding song. It only proved that he does not listen with his heart anymore nor comprehends what "deep" really means. Sure Sting might have understood music when he was younger but today we just don't see nor hear any heart and soul in his plastic sounding music in 2013. And frankly after hearing him trash, ruin, and mangle a wonderful song like "Windmills of your mind" I actually hate him now. Sure I still listen to his old Police stuff and even some of his wimpy 90s music but he basically had a long spiral downward after the 80s be it a slow one it was still a downward spiral none the less. They only thing that grew was his ego and pretentious attitude much like Bonos ego grew while his talent shrank into shallowness.

Russ G said...

I have to take a different tack on this entirely: Sting, and the Police, ALWAYS sucked! The guy can't sing a note, and the music sucks, too. Just listen to the vapid, non-melodic first few notes of one of their 'hits' before you hear a wounded cat shriek "Roxanne!" Now, there are vocalists with poor voices - think Dylan, Janis Joplin, or even Rod Stewart but what they lacked in vocal range they at least had decent material and some sincerity in their delivery. I'd rather rear Stewart sing "Maggie Mae" or even "Three-time Loser" any day than endure another Sting rendition of anything. As for 'Every Breath You Take" [or step, or whatever] it's downright creepy, not just now it always was. This is the stalker you want locked up. The Police tunes were droning, repetitious, pretentious, and you had Sting ostensibly 'singing' to make it all suck even worse. Worst band of the 70's/80's, with the possible exception of The Steve Miller Band who also dumped crap on their audience.