Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What Sucks…Bad Guys In Movies Who Aren’t Really Bad: American Soldiers In “Letters From Iwo Jima”


Got this the other day from Netflix and yeah, yeah, yeah it’s a great movie, beautifully filmed and Clint Eastwood is a genius and ah, let’s see how do I say this gently, I think they left one letter out.

Here it is, if you like, read it with some soft piano in the background.

"Dear Free People of the World:

We are sorry we tried to take you over and make you subject to our leader, who we thought was a deity. Also, we're sorry we dragged this fight out and didn't surrender, even though we knew we were going to lose therefore costing even more lives than should have been necessary. However, we do appreciate you guys rebuilding our country after all this.

Signed,

Japanese soldiers on Iwo Jima"


And another thing, (SPOILER ALERT) perhaps if Japanese soldiers in the film went a little easier on the suicide, usually depicted in the film as coming directly after the drop of a hat, ("They're having mashed potatoes again in the mess hall? Bonsai!") and a little more on the “let's come up with a plan B besides Hara-Kiri” (great Cub announcer!) they would have had more people to deliver supplies and defend the island.

What's Clint Eastwood's next flick- remaking Star Wars from the Empire's Point of View?

Int. Deathstar. Day.

A Stormtrooper is writing on a pad. We hear his VO.

STORMTROOPER VO: I miss you Marie, I miss you and the children. Grand Moff Tarken says the Rebellion will soon crack though and maybe after that, I’ll be home. I don't see it, but there's a reason he's Grand Moff and I'm now. Right now we’re in the DS- which between you and me- is fully functional- and we’re lining up. I have to go now, the damn trash compactor is acting up again. I think of you always.

Cut to loading bay. There is laser fire. Two Stormtroopers hit the ground. Soft music plays.

EMPIRE COMMANDER: It's a shame. They had families.

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