Monday, August 06, 2007

What Sucks...Tornados In Brooklyn

WTF, God!?!

Look, Tornados suck. No doubt. They remind us of the awesome killing power of Mother Nature, who is an underrated bi-otch, and who from time to time sends these fuckers out to flatten America’s trailer parks when she feels they’re getting too big for their britches, but come on- in Brooklyn, they suck even more.

These people are not built for no friggin’ twisters. They can barely handle- depending on what section you’re in- an Ikea opening up, a stroller outside their favorite coffee shop or a black person in their neighborhood. Tornados? Ahem, forget about it.

Having a windstorm smash through your trailer and destroy your house is one thing, but picture the horror of one touching down in Park Slope, sending countless stoop sales flying. The streets would be littered with old dot matrix printers and Edie Brickell CD’s. Good lord, the damage could reach into the “tens of ones”.

So keep the Tornados in the Midwest, it’s one thing to have a cyclone toss your car into a tree, it’s another if that car is a 1999 Infinity G20 with a new stereo system and 24 inch rims.

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