Friday, August 31, 2007

What Sucks...Quick Hits: Government Douchebags

...Larry Craig

So after this has happened for like the 20th time, you know the ardent “anti-gay” politician turning out to be well, really, really gay, can’t we all just now assume if you’re really into anti-gay legislation that you’re, you know, gay? Kind of like the whole _________ (fill in the blank with a classic gay stereotype) thing? (I’ll chose “show tunes”!) Does this have to happen again? I mean how many dudes dug Joan Crawford before it was code for, you know, being gay.

Also, the whole “Why do these gay guys keep sticking their dicks in my mouth?” defense, as seen above, is just plain sad.

…Alberto Gonzales

Even for a lawyer, Alberto Gonzales makes for a very special douchebag. Everything from his alleged (and by alleged I mean factual) encounter with an equally douchey but half passed out John Ashcroft in the hospital (trying to get him to sign off on illegal wire taps), to his calling of the Geneva Convention “quaint”, to his really, really, really shitty memory blows.

…Karl Rove

A super-hero in douchiness, the scope of his suck offenses will reverberate for decades, I’d crash the internet if I listed them all here but it should be pointed out that this “perj-aholic” is kinda responsible for Alberto Gonzales going away, you know by ordering that he fire US Attorneys for political reasons, so thanks.

...Nouri al-Maliki

Hey asshole, how bout a little less bitching and whining about the US and a little more “not going on vacation for the month of August while we have guys in your country tip toeing around IED’s". By the way, I'm playing a drinking game where I do a shot every time your government falls short of a benchmark, and I'm fucking shit-faced right now. (and yes, being in a dysfunctional government, qualifies you for this list)

…George W. Bush

Feel like I’m a little late to the party in addressing this, but I thought I imagined it, turns out it happened…

Did this a-hole use a Vietnam comparison as an argument to STAY in Iraq?

Wow. That is serious balls.

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