Monday, July 16, 2007
What Sucks…Trick Birthday Candles
Oh my god, you’ve really out done yourself this time. I mean “wow”. I blow out the candles on my birthday cake, then these CRAZY candles just “relight” out of nowhere and I have to blow them out again? And then they relight AGAIN? They won’t be blown out? Holy crap. Oh my goodness, my sides hurt. I’m laughing so hard I can hardly breathe.
You know what else is funny, the lonely lives of adults who put these candles on the cakes of children. What, there can’t be a SINGLE moment where kids can forget that adults are totally in control of every move they make? Adults have to control birthday candles too? Will you control our wishes also? Cause I just wished everyone at this party will leave so I can cut myself to see if I can still feel.
NOTE: Many thanks to the very brave and courageous 11 year-old Gus Hickey for his submission to What-Sucks, “Trick Birthday Candles”. This essay will also be included in the upcoming essay collection, “Everything You Did Was Wrong, Dad" Penguin Books.