Monday, May 14, 2007

What Sucks…The DMV


Sometimes on this blog I have to take unpopular views (WhatSucks.blogspot.com/HOTLESBIANSMAKINGOUT/fakelink). This however, is not one of those times.

If there was a “Suck Mecca”, it has to be the DMV.

Now, in my lifetime, I’ve owned a car in 4 different states and have received tickets in a few (many) others, and I find it amazing how no matter where I go, each encounter with a DMV never fails to blow.

Unscientific as my research is, I’m willing to bet that the DMV must have the single best “Exist to Suck”, or E:S, ratio in the world. It has to be that nearly 100 % of DMV’s suck. An amazing stat considering the fact that there are a couple of thousand DMV’s across the country.

Not to get side tracked here, but just to give you an idea of what that means, you can say that every Dane Cook movie sucks. Sure, there’s a 100 % conversion rate there, but what are there, 3 or 4 Dane Cook movies? Let’s raise the stakes - let’s say every Celine Dion album sucks. Okay, again we’re at a very high conversion rate, there are approximately 18 Celine Dion albums- all of them blow- impressive yes, but not so much when you think of the fact that there are thousands of DMV’s around the country. Thousands. To come anywhere close to that you have to, I don’t know...look at Mexicans. I’M KIDDING! TOTALLY A JOKE.

Seriously, the DMV is a true legend in suck. It’s an institution built on suckiness. Not only do they suck, but the vast majority of people who work there also suck- and the vast amount of services they offer, suck as well.

It’s like each DMV was built on an Indian burial ground that had buried in it, Indians who sucked. Amazing.

And what does the future have? More suckage? Probably. What’s the greatest innovation at the DMV in the last 40 years? A bench? A “Take a Number” system? Great, the DMV has finally narrowed the gap with my local super market.


Thanks for the bench.

25 comments:

dehumidifier said...

one of the dmvs here has a hot dog stand, which makes it suck approximately .008% less. not because of the hot dogs, but because the idea of a snack bar inside a dmv is kind of hilarious.

the best part about our dmv is that you can now do most everything online, thereby eliminating the need to go to the dmv.

Anonymousfornow said...

Hot dogs?..That's an okay idea..But if they sold beer, that's a much better idea. Beer makes everything less sucky...

Anonymous said...

Wow...you got a bench?

Anonymous said...

My DMV has a drive thru window.

DouglasG said...

One of our DMV stations is in a Sears. So, you can look at tools and such while waiting for your number to be called. It still sucks, but slightly less.

Anonymousfornow said...

IN SEARS???? Where do you live???..

Liam said...

You have to know where and when to go. I can generally get in and out of the downtown Manhattan DMV in under thirty minutes. Doesn't suck that much.

johnny said...

While I fully agree with ur opinion and stated fact, I would just like to say Dane Cook is the man. Though movies he acts in suck (except Waiting), he is still the man

MVA Sucks said...

I hate the MVA/DMV too. They are a bunch of ignorant *****.

mustangmatty said...

I wonder if the Police departments use the DMV's as training camps for future control freak, picked on in high school, haters. Most cops suck too.

Anonymous said...

My DMV has nothing but old men and women, and two benchs.

Anonymous said...

Just had a great experience at the Montebello CA DMV. Old, dirty, and smelly, and the building was also in bad shape. A bigger sense of apathy, uncaring, and all around don't-give-a-$hit cannot be found on this planet. All the employees, including the sworn officers, are infected with a sad disconnected look. FIRE ALL OF THEM and put everything on the net.

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Anonymous said...

norwalk ct dmv = hell. spent three friggin hours at this hellhole. well the place is physically okay.. but wtf is up with the spiel - get one piece of paper here, then go wait in that line... then, go there and get another piece of paper and wait there in that line. then when you're finished, go wait over there in that line.

WTF!!!! made me wanna tear their eyeballs O-U-T!

AAaaaahhh@!

Anonymous said...

DMV at Fresno all 3 of em' are competiting with each other to see who sucks best. One of them dmv's closed down and bowed out of the competition. now there is a mad rush and a hyper long waiting time at the other 2 dmvs. Some ppl come at fucking 6am and stand in the line! And they fucking failed me 2 times, LOL? I finally got my license in Reedley!

Anonymous said...

Beer sucks, Anonymousfornow.
Why do so many morons drink that shit?

Anonymous said...

Check out http://waitinginlinesucks.com/dmvs for the solution!

Anonymous said...

The Hurst, TX DMV sucks more than any DMV I've ever visited. I spent 3 hours and 35 minutes there today, and I'm not exaggerating. Also, it's a take a number place, which sounds good in theory, but that made it suck even more. There was no line, and the numbers went up in apparently random order, so there was no way to gauge how soon the misery would be over.

Also, the AC was barely on and it was over 80 degrees. The heat doesn't bother me but there were elderly people present.

If it weren't for children present, I would have flipped the place off as I left. I felt like I had just left Ellis Island after being deloused and renamed.

Anonymous said...

Ugh yes! The fresno dmv sucks sooooo bad. Went in cuz my license said it expired this year even tho it expired last year and its supposed to be only ever five years. I told her it expired last year and she looks at me totally serious "no. It didnt"....ok lady, cuz it wasnt my id that I looked at every day or anything. I gave up and I paid my license renewal and got a new picture taken. A month later I go back in because my insurance says my license is expired. Turns out their camera was broken and so my id was never made, and they forgot to mark that I had paid renewal fees. I had to wait and get my pic. taken AGAIN, should get my id by xmas. Great. This is only one of several awful dmv experiences ive had. Employees are generally nice, but the system is so redundant and idiotic.....ugh!

Anonymous said...

Gotta give a shout out to the NC DMV here! Boy is it just the best ever! Especially if you're in the Raliegh area! I was told that there is no DMV in Wake Forest so instead you have to go to Raleigh. So now, everybody in the whole of Wake county goes to one DMV in Raleigh, making it the busiest freakin' DMV in all of NC. And they are DUMB, DUMB, DUMB!!! I just moved here so I went in to update my address so I could show the new license to my post office so I could get a po box (don't even get me started on the crap THEY put me thru, ugh) and I ended up waiting in line for like 2 hours just to get my picture taken! Then I was told that my license is going to expire in 7 months anyway and there is nothing I can do about it because you can't renew more that 6 months to experation. GREAT! So I'm blessed with the luck of going back to that *** hole in a few short months! Then I tried to call to give them my po box after I finally got it so that they could mail it there and the friggin b*** told me I would have to come in and renew my license again in order to update my information in the system! WTF!!! I don't need a NEW new f'ing license because the new one I got has all the right info on it, I just want the D*** DMV to have my mailing address in case they need to contact me. So finally I hung up on the flippin b*** and found the number to my NC DMV Headquarters. There was a long-ish wait on the phone but everybody was super friendly and helpful and they got everything squared away for me. So my advice, if your local DMV is a pain the friggin a** then call your state DMV helpline!

FLORIDA DMV!! said...

The BROWARD COUNTY FLORIDA DMV
(Fort Lauderdale Area)

Has a 1980s style phone system that requires about 45 minutes of time to pay a speeding citation, if you're perfect.

If you elect to take driving school buy pressing a button on your phone, YOU HAVE JUST UNKNOWINGLY AGREED to a fine of 50+ if you decide not to complete it. Which is basically illegal. Also- YOU JUST PAID THE TICKET IN FULL through the phone system whether you're taking driving school or not. If you don't pay the DMV just cancel your license in your home state, surprise!

It's so difficult to get in touch with any human on the phone, you have to find the right numbers online first, and if you do YOU ARE GUARANTEED TO GET HUNG UP ON AND TRANSFERRED UNEXPECTEDLY.

The worst part about it is they don't even have a hotdog stand.

Anonymous said...

"It’s like each DMV was built on an Indian burial ground that had buried in it, Indians who sucked."

I am totally going to steal that sometime.

Anonymous said...

I agree it sucks.. most of the time I have to walk away. With nothing accomplished exept my wasted time. Texas DMV is the worst I have been to.
I wish all dmv's were as good as the one I went to in Arizona. It was amazing they were busy but I was prosesed and out the door in A 1/2 hour with a new license in hand.

Jennifer Hung said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carlos Vega said...

all THE F######ING DMV'S SUCKS BECAUSE IS THE KINGDOM OF BUREAUCRACY AND STUPIDITY AND ALL THE ASPECTS !!!!!!! THEY MUST DO A VERY STRICT RESUME SELECTION TO HIRE THE MOST UGLY ATTITUDE PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET ... I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT DMV .