Thursday, May 03, 2007
What Sucks...American Idol, White Guys Beat Boxing, Blake Lewis, Robin Thicke
So America had a choice of eliminating a dude who is in the Navy with two kids, or someone who put “beat boxing” into a Bon Jovi song, and they went with throwing out the dude from the Navy.
Now sure, from all accounts it's evident that Phil Stacy’s job in the Navy, is to sing. He’s not exactly securing Baghdad, (although, if he hasn’t been deployed yet, he’s gotta be on his way any minute now.) So it’s not like America is exactly choosing Beat Boxing over freedom (cough into my hand- they are) and it is also true that Phil Stacy looks like a bat which has had to have a role in this, but still, I don’t get this whole beat boxing/ Blake Lewis thing.
Why the fuck is everyone so impressed with him? Why whenever he beat boxes do Paula and Randy practically jizz themselves? Do they think he invented beat boxing? Didn’t beat boxing fall into the category of “annoying” 20 minutes into “The Disorderlies” back in 1987? If I went to a non hip-hop show to see someone sing, and then someone started beat boxing, I’d be like “Stop that right now!”
On top of this, he put it into a Bon Jovi song. Bon Jovi himself called it a “gamble” but read between the lines, he was totally like- “Beat boxing? Are you shitting me? You know how many girls Ritchie fucked because of this song? The guy ended up marrying Heather Locklear and look at him. No, seriously- LOOK at him.”
While we’re on the subject, Bon Jovi came off like a pretty nice guy. Yes, he’s total "hair rock" and responsible in part for one of the worst eras in music history, but I find it hard not to like him. He and Ritchie Sambora are pretty much the embodiment of the American Dream. Two guys from New Jersey grow their hair long, half-way learn to play the guitar, and then become millionaires with one of them ending up married to Heather Locklear, and then fucking Denise Richards. You think kids from outside America can dream like that? The answer is no.
Back to Blake- I don’t blame him. Actually, I think he’s a pumpkin size balled genius. He deserves to be crowned the next “American Idol” (and then subsequently “American Idle” when his album doesn’t sell well) just for having the guts to do what he did. I blame the judges and yes, America. Why are we letting this fly? Am I so out of touch with American culture that I don’t know that there is a thirst out there for white dudes beat boxing? Does this mean a “Disorderlies 2” is on the way? I hope not.
What Sucks Bonus: Robin Thicke
Oh, and Robin Thicke sucks too. The Thicke family contribution to entertainment is Growing Pains and this guy.