Thursday, February 08, 2007

What Sucks…Things That Suck About Lost: The Others

Sorry, I’m a little hung-over today. I was playing this drinking game last night where you watch Lost and every time someone in the Others does something passive aggressive, you do a shot.

I was hammered by the first commercial break.

Seriously, I’m calling bullshit on the Others. F those guys, I don’t think they know what they’re doing any more than we do watching them. I think they have been full of shit from day one and Walt and Alex called it right in season 2- of course they’re not who they say they are, because they don’t say they’re anyone- that would be “being direct” something these a-holes who are apparently just trying to get their friend a free operation, would never do.

Everything they do is weak- the fake beards, the decoy village with huts, the stealing children from Rousseau and the back of the plane people in the middle of the night, the fucking with Walt, the shooting Sawyer on the raft, the keeping people in cages in zoos, the stealing Desmond’s boat, the killing the survivors they killed- be men, you passive aggressive douche bags!

You’re well-armed, have the latest in walkie-talkies, a top flight fertility doctor and apparently access the NSA files the government keeps on all of us, what are you afraid of?

Now Jack removes a tumor from your leader’s back and still- there you are with all the mystery.

Miss an episode that featured the Others? Here, I re-wrote every single one in three lines…

Look, seriously, we can save a lot of time and energy here- maybe you can just tell me what you want me to do?

(PREGNANT PAUSE) Perhaps…or maybe I’ll show you this DVD of the entire season 5 of “Growing Pains” as an opera starring Nicolas Cage and Crystal Bernard!

(ROLLING EYES) Just TELL me what you want me to do!

They don’t even know Elizabeth, if that’s her name. By the way, these assholes dragged her to their Island (off the coast of the REAL island by the way- they don’t have the balls to live any place that holds a mirror up to them so closely) to do what? Nothing. She was doing landmark fertility research and now she’s wasting her time in bullshit “Other” book club meetings. Meanwhile, we just found out last time she was in the real world, she was impregnating MALE mice. But no, keep her, I’m sure her research won’t lead to anything.

Why is the island fucking with the survivors and not them? At least when Mr. Ecko decided to move from a drug running warlord to a fake priest it was an active move. Ben can’t even spy on the survivors without pretending to be some dude named Henry Gale.

What’s your deals, a-holes?

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