Monday, February 05, 2007

What Sucks…The Cold


Jesus it’s cold in New York today (and Hoboken, the Prague of New Jersey). It’s a special “artic cold” walking outside is like taking an ice shower. It’s way beyond “Balls Cold” and even “Witch’s Tit” cold. We’re in a new realm. I tried to write some jokes about it today but its just so freaking cold I don’t think I’m doing a good job of finding the humor in it-

It’s so cold…

….you should really check up on any elderly relatives or friends you have in the city as the cold weather can be especially hard on them.

It’s so cold…

…today the there will be dead homeless people all over the place unless they get themselves into one of the city’s dangerous, drug infested shelters.

It’s so cold…

…today that people living in homes heated by oil will most certainly face incredibly high bills at the end of the month and that’s not good because many of them are on fixed incomes.

It’s so cold…

…many of the city’s emergency rooms, which are already overcrowded, will face a further influx of patients, taxing their already stretched out staff and adding further cost to already over-burdened tax players.

It’s so cold…

...Paris Hilton was seen rubbing up against someone purely for the body heat.

See that one I went with the joke but it was clearly not funny.

It’s freakin cold out there- wear a hat.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cincinnati was down to 0 with a windchill of -15 today....

Anonymous said...

I have no sympathy for the homeless... even birds are smart enough to go south for the winter.

Anonymous said...

i googled up cold remedies and got a porno with some guy jamming ice cubes into a hairy pot pie.

totally unintentional dude.

I'd call Rush Limbaugh but he's out back with a goat.