Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Ticks. Huge douchebags of the animal world.
Make no mistake, in the “Life Forms That Suck, Hall of Fame”, the tick is an inaugural inductee- right up there with the Babe Ruth’s (Mosquitoes), the Ty Cobb’s (Tapeworms) and the Cy Young’s (Man O’ War Jellyfish) of forms of life that bring nothing to the table.
So way to go, God. Nice job creating the tick.
No seriously, way to make a nasty looking bug that attaches itself to you by digging its hook legs into your skin. Yeah, pretty cool feature you threw in there where it literally feeds off human blood. Oh, and the whole disease spreading thing- nice touch there too. By the way- love the “only way you can remove it is by HOLDING A LIT CIGARETTE TO YOUR SKIN” thing- very nice.
Awesome, really- some of your finest work. Yeah, was that the week You found out You had to sacrifice Your Son? Was it the 8th day, right after someone keyed your car? How did it work, God? Was it make the sun, stars, flowers, trees, puppies, then ticks, kittens, butterflies and baby ducks? How does the tick get in there? I’m just asking.