Tuesday, January 09, 2007

What Sucks...Red Lobster


“Let white trash have lobster!” Bill Darden, Red Lobster founder 1968.

…and with those 5 words, in 1968, Bill Darden opened the first of what would become countless slaps in the face to fine cuisine. And yes, while the words “seafood restaurant chain”, like “chained Italian”, are an abomination in the eyes of God- the type of words that if said into a mirror 3 times in a row have enough bad karma to bring a psychotic killer back from the grave- the people of Iowa, New Mexico, South Dakota and Missouri, despite the fact they were a plane ride from the nearest “sea”- would come in droves to eat lobster and other seafood that had been, in the best case scenario, on the road for a week, in a more likely one, caught during the end of the Korean war.

But Darden simply opening his restaurant wasn’t his ticket to fortune. After all the 1st Red Lobster was opened in Florida, a place 3⁄4 of which is surrounded by water. Where Darden’s talent lay was in observation. He saw in Florida, with its many shirtless criminals later to be immortalized on shows such as “COPS” and “COPS: Florida” and “COPS: Dade County” and “COPS: INSERT NAME OF ANY OTHER TOWN/ PROVINCE IN FLORIDA”, the last quarter of what in fact surrounds the state- water on the east, west and south- white trash to the north.

Yes, bring lobster to the prairie- cover it with a shitload of butter if you must, but bring it out there. The people will come- they’ll put on your bib and they will eat it, they won’t know why, or how, but they will come- and they’ll pay- at least once.

Darden then gambled.

Perhaps curiosity will get the best of the rest of the country. What if you lived near the ocean? What if you lived in a city where skilled chefs took a lobster and honored its sacrifice by making it as delicious as it could be? Could you still be afforded the chance to eat shitty lobster? Darden said “yes” and today Red Lobsters, like mediocrity, run rampant in not only the US, but Canada and even Japan too. Japan, a country built off fishing- has Red Lobsters.

So has Darden won? Many say yes. They point to Japan, to the Red Lobster off the Long Island Sound in Bridgeport, Ct. and say yes. But soon, the world will run out of fish and the countless lobsters that were served in Red Lobster, will have the last laugh. After all, you ate them at Red Lobster's.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

there is no Red Lobster in Portland Maine

Chris DeLuca said...

weird. I read on the web that there's one in every state but Rhode Island. Did they close it down or was that untrue?

Let it be changed to...Bridgeport, Ct.

smart kitty said...

Do they have beer-battered, deep-fried lobster? Dealing with the shell/eating some thing boiled seemed like a bother.

Anonymous said...

I think there was one in South Portland, but not in atleast 8 years. It's demise is probably attributable to the fact that lobster is cheaper at the local pound up here.

Dedalus said...

TACO BELL...now there's a new dimension in suckyness (or, should I say suckiness?)

I don't eat meat (or whatever it is) that's been EXTRUDED. It's like some rope of foulness from America's corporate anus!

I recall living in CA, some idiots STILL went to eat there! You can get REAL mexican food on every street corner there...lord, why?

Kate said...

They changed all the Red Lobster's in New England to Olive Garden's Bills other genious billion dollar restaurant chain!

Anonymous said...

Red Lobster must suck ass. Oh, wait, they wouldn't be so popular if they did. Let's think for one second...if Red Lobster sucked, they'd be out of business, wouldn't they? No one would eat at a place that sucked. Guess they do. My bad.

Anonymous said...

yes they are fucking stupid!!, THEIR SERVICE SUCKS!
WE HAD TO SIT ON THESE UNCOMFORTABLE HARD WOOD CHAIRS!
IT TOOOK A HALF HOUR FOR THE STUPID WAITRESS, BESIDES THE WAIT OUTSIDE FOR A DAMN SEAT! AND ON TOP OF THAT SEA FOOD DOES NOT TAKE AN HOUR AND 30 MINUTES TO DAMN COOK! AND THAT BITCH DIDNT EVEN REFILL OUR WATER OR CHECK UP ON US. I WISH WHITE PEOPLE WOULD STOP EATING THERE CAUSE THEY SERIOUSLY NEED TO GO OUT OF BUSINESS!!!! THAT PLACE IS SOO LUCKY I DIDNT GO RUIN THEIR RESTAURANT!!!!! IF IT WASNT FOR MY FAMILY BEING WITH ME I WOULD HAVE DUG OUT AND LEFT THEM WITH SHIT!

Anonymous said...

"and that bitch didn't even refill our water"....ha, you water drinkers, as a server let me tell you... CHEAP PEOPLE order water at restaurants... CHEAP PEOPLE don't tip very well...if at all. So just so you know, if your table orders a round of water, your service just went down the drain!

Anonymous said...

yeah the loser who says red lobster is good, youre a moron and people go there because they dont KNOW good food. so i hope you shut the fuck up because you look reeeally stupid

Man Equals Compuer said...

Of the six restaurants I have worked in, Red Lobster has far and away the cleanliest, safest, most professional kitchen I've ever worked in. The attention to sanitation @ our store borders on neurotic. We take temp readings on everything you eat. We know exactly when every product has been made, what it weighs and when it has to be served to the minute. We run digital chits on the line and twelve-minute ticket times no matter how busy it gets here. Maybe the Red Lobster you eat at is going through some transitions, but everyone knows that you can walk into any one of our stores and have the same meal whether you're in Boston or Columbus. By the way, Darden Restaurants Inc commands $3.4B worth of market capital with 150,000 employees in 1362 restaurants making us the largest casual dining group in the world. Sucks, doesn't it?

Tony said...

Just because you're a gigantic conglomerate selling deep-fried fish extrusion doesn't mean you don't suck. On the contrary, it means you suck BIG TIME. Even a little company like Red Lobster would suck, so the bigger you get, Man Equals Compuer (WTF?), the bigger you suck. Does that make sense?

Anonymous said...

i work at a RL. If it sucks to you, dont eat there.
P.S. right on about the water sipping cheapos

Anonymous said...

I am a bartender at the scarlet cepholopod (red lobster or crimson crustacean to my creative cronies)..
Terrible occupation. I am not one to get too wrapped up in the flaws that is corporate america, albeit the wal-marts and mcdonalds have a huge contribution to our own capitalist downfall. I do know that red lob is a very anal company that convinces their employees that they serve the freshest fish and seafood in the whole conglomerate of seafood markets. i do not likr this. if you wand lobster, go to maine. if you want snow crab, go to west coast canada or alaska. if you wand fish here in minnesota, eat walleye, perch, crappie and northerns. and go to the shores of lake superior to get salmon. this american way of life, the convenience of having everything within 20 miles of wherever we live, has tainted the magic and slendor of something as delicios as a fillet of halibut or a beer battered walleye. p.s. our drinks are expensive and i never make any money there because it is not the kind of bar you go to to get a buzz on...

Corella said...

That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard! Do your homework!
"Established in 1997, the Darden Environmental Trust has contributed more than $3 million to organizations that promote sustainability. In the past, we’ve worked to protect wildlife including sea turtles, helped restore ecosystems and helped teach sustainability in schools. We’ll continue to do this and much more in our quest to help protect the oceans, our food supply and our world."- That is quoted directly from the website.

Anonymous said...

u know wha ti think i think all of u fuck tards need to get a fucking life i live in japan and i've lived in missouri most of my life in fact anyone on here who has had red lobster in the states i'm sorry espeically in the midwest i jsut came back from red lobster witha large japanese family but couldn't remember where it was we went iu wanted to take my gf for a nice night out so i'll tell u this to the author of the article shut it maybe the resturant u ate at really was a piece of shit but the one i ate at in joplin mo was great but as u said it was slathered in butter and garlic bu tthe resturants u find near a shore line omg it is like 1,000,000x better and if ur just speaking on american standards u ppl really need to get out more america sucks and only someone who hasn't been out of teh country would say so so there's my comment

Anonymous said...

I live in Orlando. I remember the original restaurant that was the model for Red Lobster, Gary's Duck Inn. Wonderful restaurant. At first, Red Lobster was true to the tradition of Gary's.BUT, as they got larger and more corporate, they lost the vision. They really do SUCK!!!

Dave K.

Anonymous said...

Did you know?
Did you know RL seafood come from the great China sea? Frozen then shipped to Bangladesh India, half cooked, frozen then shipped to the US for us to eat? Join effort by the old white house in 2005 which paid for the factory in India. No seafood nor fish are fresh, all seafood and fish are frozen. However RL will take all the credit if there outcome will be favable. RL will run the other way if not.
More jobs overseas, more tax breaks for RL. Thank You RL for all your help. I am conifdent we, the public will show you our support!

Anonymous said...

my podupetrist eats at RB. it is awesome, typical american cheap food. overly salted, fatty junk served to the sheeple. yummmy , served by teenie boppers on hardwooden seats. midwest types probably love this "food" plus hilly billies in the south to. my podupetrist loves the toenail haddock surprise.

Anonymous said...

The only thing that sucks are these comments. No one is making you go to Red Lobster. Go eat somewhere else. If you want to know what the majority of opinions are, look at Darden's financial results.
I feel bad for the people with nothing better to do than spit out mis-spelled, and vulgar comments over a blog, instead of getting a real life.
I totally respect your personal preferences. However, know what your talking about before making mindless comments and sounding stupid.

Anonymous said...

That is america. the food is poor quality and filled with chemicals especially at fast "food" chain ristorantes. Corn syrup, salted junk and high in fats. Midwesters, naive, clueless seem to enjou eating there.

Anonymous said...

RL SUX Eggs! Through a straw, from across the street, out loud! And that is the suckiest. I foolishly let my poor wife cajole me into going to one. It was insulting. The drinks, advertised as mama jamma or whatnot with captain morgan, didn't even produce a buzz. my meal, Fish and chips was more like fish skin and potatoe sticks, One piece of fish. and a slightly pathetic salad, $12.+ ONE PIECE OF FISH $12 ? watta rip.
Will never ever go again. ever.

chris said...

Red lobster is like long John silvers in a way half of there menu is fried or microwave . There kitchen is like McDonalds. There food is all pre packed in individual weighed out plastic. They use Kraft Mac and cheese. The grill master position u have to work for just to touch the grill like it is a hard job. The grill master was scratching his balls and then started handling ready to eat steak that had been mixed up on two customers plates. They dropped linguine on the ground and still used it. I would as a line cook for two weeks and had a quit. It is a joke of a restuarnt everything is frozen first. What the hell is that

Anonymous said...

I worked at Red Lobster for over three years. The only people they care about are their servers. No one else counts. No one else in the establishment would have the opportunity to win flat screen tv's or iphones, etc, for their job performance. Don't cross a server because the server will always be right, no matter what area you work in. Lets not forget about their practice to keep servers but send people in the back of the house home to cut their labor costs so they can have their annual over seas vacations. Many who work their would not know what a vacation was unless they have a spouse working some where else to where they did not have to depend on red lobster wages. Don't even think about collecting unemployment. They will fight you every step of the way and not care if you end up in the streets.

Anonymous said...

nothing fresh at red lobster except the lobsters in the tank. everything is frozen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Not true, the fresh fish and the produce is not frozen at Red Lobster.

Dilbert Doe said...

Love Red Lobster, eat there all the time.

Anonymous said...

You are obviously one if the droves of idiots that keep it open

Anonymous said...

I'm not a diabetic fatgoblin or a drunk, so I drink water with my meals you idiot. If my service went down the drain so did your tip. Good luck living on $2.50 an hour stupid.

Anonymous said...

Yes your food sucks. McDonalds is more profitable than you I guess they're gourmet too??

Anonymous said...

Again you probably live in a hut. Not everyone drinks sugarwater jackass. Some of us like to live healthy. I am an LMT so I always tip well but if you refuse to serve me well because if my healthy lifestyle choice then I wont tip you at all. Again good luck living on 2.50 an hour. You have no power you idiot you are a SERVANT....

Anonymous said...

You have no tastebuds and you sound like a blithering idiot. Oh that's right you're from Missouri ... we will just disregard everything you said. Carry on!

Anonymous said...

Facts: Red Lobster has live main lobster flown in.
Yes the fish is fresh shipped bi-weekly but frozen slightly due to ice packing.
Regards to cleanliness in our facility,I would have to say from a scale of 1 to 10..8 1/2. Like any restaurant from fine dining to cookie cutter replication ie:Fast food,chains etc. You will have problems and some employees who need to take pride and not just a paycheck. It happens in all profession of life.

I must admit,our restaurant has areas that need improvement,but let me say on their behalf,( the B.O.H)back of house. They work very hard to maintain a professionalism expected by the customers. There are times when the kitchen is non stop during pushes and the tickets look like a stock ticker on the brink of a crash but they push on regardless,and yes we are servants to our customers wealthy or poor.

The comment on servers(F.O.H)front of house are taken to point. First,there are many servers who are genuine hard workers. Working hard to earn their tips, and will go out of their way for their customers even if that means a rather paltry tip. Then there are other servers who have no business in a interacting profession except with themselves in a mirror professing their greatness. I apologize for them.

Now Darden corporation has many many faults. The reason being,they are a corporation and as we all know,corporations survive based on shareholders profit margin not the financial security of their employees. The sad truth,without the employees,there would be no Red Lobster,Olive Garden,Longhorn Steakhouse etc. That is why Darden fears the union, Without solidarity,they have control as well as conformity.
Hope this helps to examine and understand the complexity of corporate greed as well as individual greed.