Friday, January 26, 2007

What Sucks...Movies Based On Video Games


Video Games based on movies generally suck with few exceptions (North Country: The Game!) but movies based on video games always suck, every time out.

It’s an amazing tradition of dreck that dates back to Super Mario Brothers starring Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo…



Street Fighter starring Jean-Claude Van Damme (see above), Mortal Kombat staring the dude from Highlander…


…Mortal Kombat 2 which couldn’t even get the guy from Highlander.



90 percent of these crapfests are brought to you by director Uwe Boll, a huge douchebag who I honestly would have tried to contact for this posting were he not busy in pre-production of “Alone in the Dark II”, the follow-up to his “Alone in the Dark” which starred Tara Reid...as a scientist.


Balls.


The best movie based on a video game, the “Citizen Kane” of movies based on video games, or actually to be more accurate the “7 Days and 7 Nights” of movies based on video games, would be Resident Evil which, by the way, is not that good.

A lot of times a movie is not as good as the book is based on, but when that book is an instruction manual, that ain’t good.

4 comments:

Pale Male said...

gird your loins for "Return to Castle Wolfenstein" in 2008.

also, does David Cronenberg's "eXisTenZ" count as a movie based on a video game...or does it suck so bad, it can't really be considered a "movie" at all?

Anonymous said...

what about angelina jolie's giant jugs in that movie about tombs or graves or someting

dehumidifier said...

I'm still waiting for "Pong: The Movie".



oh man it never gets old, that one.

Reel Fanatic said...

I liked Existenz quite a bit, but I don't think it was based on any actual video game ... There are certainly a lot of crap flicks to choose from on this list, but I'd have to go with Alone in the Dark as the worst ever