Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I debated this for a while because, let’s face it, there’s a fine line between telling you all what sucks, and hatin’. I’ve tried very hard to not cross that line, so it is, after careful consideration and no small amount of soul searching I feel I can say, with a clear conscience…
…is Fergie retarded?
I’m mainly going off lyrics here and she may not have written everything she says, but there’s enough in her catalogue (“My Humps”, “Hey Mama” and “London Bridge”, whose subtle manipulation of language makes “Fergalicious” look like early Dylan) to suspect that she may be in fact, a moron.
I may be a little late to the party but does anyone know exactly what the “London Bridge” metaphor pertains to? I know what we all assume it means, but does it actually mean anything?
Take a look at some of these lyrics…the song starts off as if it is about Fergie going to a club and dancing and drinking and having a good time…
When I come to the clubs, step aside (Oh, shit)
Part the seas, don't be having me in the line (Oh, shit)
V.I.P 'cause you know I gotta shine (Oh, shit)
I'm Fergie Ferg
And me love you long time (Oh shit)
All my girls get down on the floor (Oh, shit)
Back to back drop it down real low (Oh, shit)
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho (Oh, shit)
'cause you know I don't give a fuck so here we go! (Oh shit)
…until all of a sudden Fergie evokes the imagery of a bridge.
How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge want to go down
Like London London London wanna go down
Like London London London be going down like
…What the fuck is she talking about? I mean, I know she’s talking about sex, but I don’t get what the “London Bridge” is. Is it an archway her legs form as if she is in a ballerina’s 1st or 2nd position? Because, the London Bridge does not have an archway.
There’s the underwear theory where, because the video to the song features Fergie wearing underwear that has the British flag on it, that perhaps “London Bridge” means her undies. But who ever equates underwear with bridges?
Does Fergie think the London Bridge is a draw-bridge and therefore “London Bridge want to go down” has to do with her letting someone “across”, and thus symbolically into her life? Because London Bridge is not a drawbridge. As a matter of fact, London Bridge is not really an extraordinary looking bridge at all.
It’s an old, important one, one rebuilt over the years (an original is in Arizona) but all in all it is pretty simple looking which leads to the question…
…is Fergie talking about the TOWER Bridge?
Did she get the name of the bridge wrong? Is she a fucking idiot?
The Tower Bridge is a drawbridge of sorts so the “going down” part could make sense. Also, in the video Fergie mistakenly refers to the Tower Bridge as the London Bridge.
Conclusion: Fergie may be a mental midget. She did spell the word “Duchess” wrong on her album (“Dutchess”), and she is singing about the wrong bridge. Additionally, in the context of the Tower Bridge, the metaphor is still hard to swallow.