Monday, October 02, 2006

What Sucks…The Last Kiss As Compared to Network (The Final In A Three Part What Sucks Series- Scroll Down For Parts 1&2)

Although to be honest, “Network” was released in 1976 and you really should have seen it by now and “The Last Kiss” should just never be seen, period.

Network was a really great film about what media is, and where truth lies within it. Its performances are timeless and although released in 1976, its themes are very much relevant today.

The Last Kiss is an unbelievable piece of shit in which you are asked to sympathize with a lead character, Zach Braff, who worries his life has grown “too predictable”, so he whines about his impending responsibilities and decides to cheat on his girlfriend who, oh, by the way- you don’t know this from the trailer- happens to be pregnant!

This film is as pleasant as sitting on a wet toilet seat.

So yes, instead of the movie being about a goofball slacker who is having a hard time committing to his girlfriend, as it is depicted in the trailer, it’s about a scumbag who fucks another woman- who by the way looks like his girlfriend- while his girlfriend is home, pregnant.

Along the way we are treated to what someone, I’m guessing either screenwriter Paul Haggis (Walker, Texas Ranger: Trial By Fire, Crash) or director Tony Goldwyn (the bad guy from Ghost) thinks is an accurate depiction of 30-something guys dealing with life, however the creators of Heckle & Jeckle gave us less broad characters.

Take for example Zach Braff’s best friend Chris (Casey Affleck), a seemingly sensitive guy who is at the end of his rope with his wife, who he leaves, because she is unable to control her constant need to have him…help with the baby! I wish there was more to this story arc, which by the way is presented as empowering to the Chris character, but there isn’t. You’re basically watching a guy leave his wife because he is appalled that she asked him to hold the baby for 15 minutes so she could take a shower. Worst dad in the film, not including Zach Braff.

2 other 30 something guys rent a Winnebago to drive down to Mexico and finally “escape” their hometown. Which is cool and ballsy when your 20, and a nice way to spend time with a guy you want to kiss, when your 32.

The female roles in the film are written with less depth than the women who appear in Motley Crue lyrics.

Zach Braff’s girlfriend, Jenna, is the perfect girl- getting her Ph D, socially skilled enough to have Zach Braff’s friends’ blessing, open minded enough to accept her boyfriend’s faults…yet with a crippling self esteem deficit that allows her to adopt the anti-marriage value of her man-child boyfriend as her own.

Also in the film is Blythe Danner, in a role she must have taken before she realized the “Meet The Fockers” films were going to be a successful franchise. She plays a woman in a total breakdown because after 30 years of marriage, her husband won’t, as she puts it, “ravage” her anymore. 30 years. That’s a long time. I’m sure some of the women he’s been pretending to fuck while he was fucking her are probably dead by now, and Blythe Danner wants to be ravaged?

Braff spends the last 3rd of the film sitting on his porch waiting for his pregnant girlfriend to take him back, grudgingly gaining the respect of his neighbors who clearly value porch sitting over fidelity to mothers-to-be.

Overall, this thing is not as good as Network, although there is a scene where Blythe Danner loses the ability to use a treadmill, that is worth the price of admission.

Better than The Last Kiss


Tamsen said...

I read every day, but just watched this film last night- I actually thought it was OK, but you're right, Casey Affleck = worst dad, and uh, I'm surprised you didn't mention Rachel Bilson as stupid college slut, but she may have been too silly to mention. I think Zach Braff was despicable, but the film did have some good points... too funny though, thanks for the review.

Anonymous said...

worst waste of time i've come across in some time, the film the last kiss that is, not your blog, thanks for reiterating, i didn't finish the movie