Thursday, September 07, 2006

What Sucks...Jellyfish

There will be many things discussed on this blog that suck, but perhaps none will so universally suck as much as the jellyfish. LOOK at them, they’re nasty. A translucent head floating around the ocean with tentacles that inject poison into you if they brush up against your skin…way to go creating this, God! Nice, what, was this in your whole “Mosquito, Tick, Badger” phase”? Dickmunch.

Good work on the jellyfish there, pal.
Here’s a few facts-
Like MSNBC’s Rita Crosby*, they have no heart, no brain, and generally, can’t even swim**. (They usually just float wherever the current takes them.)

May be a nice person. I don't know.

They also have what is called an “incomplete digestive system”, which means, basically, their asses are their mouths (Thanks Wikipedia!)

Finally, here’s how bad these things suck- when one stings you, to treat the pain, somebody has to piss on your leg. Again, just like MSNBC’s Rita Crosby***.

Will never be someone's pet.

*denotes: Author does not know Rita Crosby personally, she could very well be a douchebag but also, could you know, be very nice.
**denotes: Author has no idea if Rita Crosby can swim.
***denotes: Author does not really know for sure if Rita Crosby stings, and if so, whether or not urinating on said stinging will do any good.


kz said...

I typed in 'jellyfish suck' on google and came to this. it's amazingly true, jellyfish are all little semi-transparent assholes. they just wanna piss on everyone's parade.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, wtf is a jellyfish doing in the ocean anyways? They're not even real animals; they're more of some kind of bio-naval-mine that were meant to fuck up anything in the ocean, specially man.

Anonymous said...

Fucking bastards got me last weekend. I'm itching like a mother fucker!!